Your marriage has been ‘on the rocks’ for a long period of time and you are now faced with the dilemma of whether you can live with this any longer? You feel like getting a divorce yet you are not sure, some days your decision is confident, other days provide you with hope that perhaps this may infact work. A part of you still loves and cares immensely for your partner yet day by day your marriage deteriorates.
Evaluate your feelings, thoughts and options before entering the roller-coaster of emotions and the complicated legal system that follows. Remember that a divorce impacts all those around you, more importantly your loved ones. Make a decision that is not fueled by emotion or ego but rather one that is based on logic.
For a divorce to be a courteous process, a couple must be prepared to separate their lives on all levels: emotionally, financially, legally and practically.
Our suggested guideline below informs you on the significant and imperative questions one should ask themselves before proceeding with divorce proceedings:
1) Were you ever really married? Raising children or creating a home is not the answer to this question. Have you and your spouse created a relationship in which each are equal and commit time to each other? Is the pattern in your relationship one where you threaten to end the marriage every month or compete against each other over your children? The above situations are indicative of a divorce soon to follow. Where there is no meaningful relationship between the parties, in all aspects of their lives together, it is the first sign of a divorce proceeding.
2) Do you still have feelings for your partner? Many couples still have feelings for their partner, and let’s face it, those feelings won’t really change over time, as human beings our minds are just trained to accept it. If there is an ongoing power struggle between you and your sposuse and a lack of intimacy, try to change this before immediately deciding on a divorce and having a volcano of emotions to follow.
3) What is your intent in wanting a divorce? Divorce is often threatened in the heat of a marital dispute to gain power or ‘the upper hand’ over your spouse. Do not start divorce proceedings in the hope that it will scare your spouse into changing their personality. A divorce should be taken solely to end the marriage in a clear unemotional state and in doing so each person may begin their life anew. People who divorce out of anger remain with that anger even after being divorced.
4) Are you aware of the consequences of a divorce? With a divorce comes change. Change in the lifestyle you lead, change in your finances, change in your children’s upbringing. If you cannot balance that change against your intent to leave your spouse, you need some time before instituting proceedings. Insecurity and fear are normal; it is your choice to determine your own happiness.
5) Have you resolved your internal conflict? Every person has an internal battle they are going through. With a divorce it is much more difficult, have you resolved the voices that little Mr. / Miss conscience is putting you through?
No person should ever be subjected to verbal or physical abuse nor should they be the sole partner constantly picking up the pieces of a broken marriage. Allow yourself a clear mindset to resolve all conflicts within you, put aside all the guilt your mind is subjecting you through and resolve to make a decision that is best for you.
We can help, Contact our Divorce Durban Attorneys, Divorce Pinetown Attorneys, Divorce Randburg attorneys at Halse Havemann and Lloyd to best see you we could best assist in in these trying times.